Hannalo

New Moon, Same Old Crap

I admit that sometimes I can be a pop culture snob.  For me, really popular books, tv shows, and movies often = artistic crap. I was kind of obnoxious about it in college, but then I grew up and realized that people are entitled to their own opinions — particularly about something as subjective as the arts — and being elitist does not mean I have good taste.  Also, I absolutely LOVE the song “Party in the U.S.A.” by Miley Cyrus, so who the hell am I to judge?

That being said, I still approach some objects of mass appeal with trepidation— including the Twilight Series.  I hadn’t even heard about these books until the fourth one was published and the original movie was released soon after.   I’ve never been all that much into vampires, so I skipped the movie when it was in theaters and didn’t even consider picking up the books.  But the hysteria grew and I felt that, as a comic, it was my job to be up on what people are talking about.  So I rented the movie on Netflix.

Was it a great work of art? No.  The special effects were pretty lame and the storyline predictable, but I enjoyed it.  I got why teenage girls everywhere are obsessed with Robert Pattinson.  He’s a dreamboat!  I even decided that I would see the second film — maybe even in the movie theater.

Fast forward to this summer and everyone I know was reading New Moon, the book on which the second movie is based.  My sister had devoured it.  My roommate couldn’t put it down.  Even my best friend, Lisa, who is also a voracious reader, told me I should read it. So last Monday I went to Borders and picked up a copy. (I also bought this year’s Pulitzer Prize winner to even out my book karma).

I finished the book in five days — most of it while I was waiting on the set of my first commercial shoot — and I have to say:  I fucking hated it.

HATED IT!

I cannot believe that Bella is considered a heroine for little girls around the country.  This is a girl who has absolutely NO identity outside of her boyfriend.  When he leaves her, she falls into what is essentially a coma for four months until she is pulled out of it by — whaddya know? — another guy!

At least the second guy, Jacob, treats her well and cares about her.  But she doesn’t like him like that.  Nope, she’d rather pine over the undead guy who is controlling and won’t even bone her.  (Not-so-hidden lesson in the book: Sex is bad!  Don’t tempt a boy with your feminine wiles or he might want to suck all your blood.)  The author, Stephenie Meyers, uses the trite device of having one romantic lead tell the other romantic lead that he doesn’t really love her. But, he doesn’t mean it!  It’s just to protect her!  And she believes him even though it’s so clearly bullshit!  And when it’s revealed at the end that he lied and can’t live without her we’re supposed to be surprised and relieved?

After all this, Meyer throws in a dash of completely nonsensical feminism at the end.  Now that the vampire has confessed his true love and Bella has essentially ditched the guy helped her out of her stupor in the first place, Edward proposes marriage.  So you would think Bella would be pretty stoked by this, right? I mean, she’s been missing this guy for months and begging him to turn her into a vampire — for life.  But no, Bella is freaked out by the thought of marriage at such a young age.  Becoming undead is one thing, but signing that marriage certificate is going too far.

Finally, Meyer is a terrible writer.  How many times can you describe heartache as feeling like “a hole in my chest.”  I’ll tell you. Six hundred times.  I counted.

I gotta go now.  A Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood rerun is on Oxygen.

First Booking!

I did it! I booked a commercial and am now SAG Eligible!  The spot shoots next Sunday is going to be running nationally.  Whoo-hoo!

George Carlin

Last night, my friend Andy invited me to go see a George Carlin concert movie at The Actor’s Gang in Culver City. As part of the WTF Festival (whatever that is) they showed Carlin’s 1992 HBO special followed by a reading from his book, “Last Words” by his daughter, Kelly.

The special was incredible.  It’s really amazing — and scary — how his comedy from 17 years ago is still relevant.  He made jokes about war against “brown people,” Bush (the elder, but it still worked), Cheney, the environment.  And his non-political stuff really got me, too.  He was a brilliant comedian.

Tim Robbins is directing the next show for the theater and introduced the movie.  While he was speaking, a camera flashed from the audience and he said, “Please, no pictures.”  A voice in the audience said, “Oops, sorry” and Tim replied, “Oh, it’s you.”  I turned around to see who he was talking to…Roseanne Barr.  “I’ll give you the picture later,” she said.

After the show was over, Tim was asking for people to sign up on the email list for the theater.

“I’m embarrassed,” I told him. “I was first introduced to George Carlin as the train conductor on the Thomas the Tank Engine Show.”  Yep, that’s what I said to one of the greatest actors and activists around.  Good work.

Another pretty cool night in Hollywood.

So Funny...Not!

I’m currently sitting at my favorite cafe for writing. I had to share a table with some older gentleman because seating was limited when I got here.  One of the guys thinks he is hilarious and keeps asking me how my “Goat Sandwich” is.  I got an eggplant and goat cheese sandwich.  The waitress just told me next time I could order half a sandwich and he said, “You can order half a goat?  Which half?”  I hope that story is better to read than it was to experience.

Busy couple of weeks

Here’s what’s happened:

• I crashed my car in an accident on the only rainy night I’ve experienced in L.A.  My car is going to take over a month to fix.
• I celebrated my twenty-mvnblj birthday.  That is not a typo.
• I auditioned for a pilot.
• I auditioned for a commercial.
• I auditioned for a voiceover.
• I recorded a voiceover for a commercial for a sexual lubricant alongside my sister’s ex-boyfriend.
• I started an awesome new improv class.

What did you do while I was on hiatus?